Dariqueen

I was very blessed to become a father figure to a lovely young lady for an entire year. I gave her my heart. I gave her my life for that year. I took her fishing, hiking, climbing, shopping, out to eat, and to church twice every Sunday for an entire year. I took her to school, and most of the time, picked her up from school. I paid for her school lunches for the year. I bought them groceries. We played many games, did crafts, and I helped her every week with her homework. I did everything in my power to be a dad to her. I did everything I could to keep her occupied during the day, so mom could sleep, since she worked nights. She slept at my house, so mom would not have to pay someone to babysit her. Thank God her mother trusted me with her, and allowed me this one year with "Dariqueen."

One day an incident took place, and Dariqueen's mom got mad at me, for something I did not do. I became, in one moment of time, an outcast, not worthy even to be the ground her mom walked on; not worthy of a telephone call or a thank you, or a letter. To her mom, I suddenly did not exist. Mom jerked me out of Dariqueen's life, just as she had done to every father figure Dariqueen has ever had. Why would a mom hurt a daughter so severely? A broken heart in an 12 year old girl may never mend, but will just build up walls of defense, so as not to be hurt again. Now, it will take God and a miracle to mend this tender, broken heart.

I saw Dariqueen two times after that. Was it a coincidence, or was it a coinci-God? On the spur of a moment, I made a decision to stop at the school I guessed she was attending. My intentions were to pay some on her lunches, with no one the wiser. But I found out that all students lunches were paid. I ask the principle if that school had any days where parents could come and see any work the students had done. No, they did not do that. I was about to give up, when she said that they were having an awards ceremony that very day!!! It was a coinci-God! I waited in the auditorium for the students to come in. When Dariqueen's class came in, she was the last one in the door. At first I was not sure she saw me, but then I noticed that as she sat on the floor, she scooted ahead so that another student's head was in the way, so I could not see her. Then I noticed that she was crying her eyes out, and continually wiping her tears with her hands. I knew for sure then, that she was carrying a huge load of guilt - for she had a lot to do with the "incident." She don't know it, but I cried for days after that.

Then another time, I was there to see if I could help pay for an award for her class. I was in the hallway for only a moment, but in that moment, Dariqueen walked down the hall, and saw me. Her reaction was enough to make me cry. I wrote Dariqueen a card or letter every week, but I don't know if she was allowed to read even one. I also sent cards and flowers to her mom. I sent money. I don't know if she read them either. If she threw them away, then she threw away the money with them.

One day God will work a miracle, and one day Dariqueen's eyes will read this blog, so I will post some of the letters sent to her and to her mom here. (Some were written by hand, so there is no copy.)

Dariqueen, if you happen to read this, please, leave a comment. Please call me. Dariqueen, there is no legal reason why you cannot call. You will NOT get me into trouble. My cell # is 361-1729.

7 July 2007

D...

It is now Saturday, and I suspect that you have already read my letter, but have not answered. My heart hurts. I had no idea, when I gave my heart so freely to Dariqueen, as a father would his daughter, it would end up hurting so bad. I had no idea, after I had shown so much consideration for you in so many ways, that you would not at least, answer my letter. However, I did none of those things expecting anything in return; I did them because of God's love in me, and my love for Dariqueen.

I am about to go to the free, Gospel Quartet sing that I have taken Dariqueen to a few times. How I wish I could take her tonight. Tomorrow, I will go to church, but without Dariqueen . How much I miss taking her to church! Have you ask her how much she misses going?

I suspect that you are afraid that if you let us back into your life, somehow you and Dariqueen will be hurt again. I don't know the future, and I cannot promise that hurts will not happen. However, Dariqueen and I went to so many places, for a year or so, and nothing happened. On that day, we were not wise. I should have corrected Dariqueen, and I did not. I should have, and for the hurt this brought to you, I am very sorry.


07/15/07
Dear Dariqueen,

It seems that your mom doesn't want to speak to me, and wants me out of your life. That hurts me more than she will ever know, and I suspect it hurts you just as bad, but it is her decision to make. She is your mother, and both you and I have to respect her decision, until such time as she changes her mind. I will be praying that she changes her mind.

Dariqueen, I really believe that you love Jesus, and are ready for heaven. One day soon, we will both hear the sound of a trumpet, and we both will be instantly changed into a supernatural body, that will live forever, and we will go to heaven. Please, don't ever forget this, and always be expecting Him to come any moment. What about your mom? Will she go too? Will she go with us? Dariqueen, I know you love her with all your heart, and want to see her in heaven with you. I do too. I will be standing between your mom and hell, and I will not let her go. Your faith and my faith will change her mind. You can trust our Heavenly Father that He will save her, one way or another. Since your mom took me out of your life, and I was taking you to church, then I expect you to insist that she takes you to church. Please, insist on this, for it is your right as a creation of God, to be able to go to church, and learn about Him.

Dariqueen, you gave me one of the best years of my life. It was my privilege to be your father figure, and I loved almost every minute of it. It was my privilege to help you with your science project, and all your other home work. It was my privilege to take you fishing and swimming. It was my privilege to take you to school every day. It was my privilege to buy your school lunches, and buy clothes for you. Thank you for being such a lovely young lady, with a heart of gold. Stay that way always.

Always remember, Jesus loved you enough to die for you. And God the Father loved you enough to send His Son to die for you. He put you on the earth for one purpose: to worship Him. If you live your life for Him, you will always be full of joy, and will have a happy life. Therefore, don't let rebellion rule your life. Learn to obey your mom the first time, not the hundredth time! OK?

If your mom ever says it is ok to call me, don't hesitate, for I will always be here for you. I love you!

Lyle

09/15/07
Dear Dariqueen,
I don't want you to forget, I love you! It is the "father figure" kind of love! I really, really miss you. I think of you whenever I could be taking you to school, or whenever I could be picking you up from school. I miss you when I could be helping you with homework. I miss you when I could be taking you to church. I guess I miss you the most all the time! : -))

How is school going? Are you doing your homework? You know, it is called home-work for a reason! You do it at home, and it is really work! He he. How I pray that one day your mom will let me help you again with your homework!!!!!!! Will your mom let you answer one of my letters? Would you answer, if your mom lets you? By the way, did you figure out the code in the last card??? I am thinking of making one harder to figure out.

I wonder if your mom will let me help you with your science project this year, or any other project. I don't know if you know yet, but Araceli's mom (I guess that is how she spells her name) had a cute baby boy. Then the Hispanic people in your old apartment just had a baby boy.

Do you remember the Rhema Ranch? Do you remember going last year to the annual picnic? Remember, that was when you caught your very first large-mouth bass! Well, that Rhema picnic is coming up again. This year will be special because they are celebrating 22 years. If you remember, they have all kinds of inflatable games, and the rock climb. This year they will have a hot dog eating contest. I won't participate, but it will be fun to watch. Maybe, if your mom lets you go, we could go horseback riding this year. It is October the 6th. Dariqueen, if you really want to go, ask you mom to let you. I will ask her also, as I would be the happiest man in Tulsa if she says yes. And that is the truth!

Dariqueen, I still am totally in the dark as to why your mom decided to lock me out or your life. I just don't understand. I am sure she believed you on what happened that day. I am sure she knows that I have not done anything bad with you at all. Dariqueen, I tried to help you in every way that I could think of. I wanted you to know what a real father should be like. I guess you know that when I did not want to go swimming - and you did - we went swimming. Why? Because a real good father know that spending time with his kids is the best and smartest thing he could do. I guess you know that when I did not want to go biking - and you did - we went biking. Why? Same reason. I was demonstrating a father's love to you. When you wanted to stop and get something to eat - we stopped. Why? Same reason: I was loving you. I wonder if you liked or enjoyed life better with a father figure to help you? Dariqueen, the world has a crazy idea of love. Always remember, true love always gives - and never takes.

I have seen this love in you - when you would give the money you saved up to your mom - just because she needed it! Dariqueen, don't ever lose that kind of love. I am praying every day that the day will come soon, where we can once again do something together - even if it is just homework! However, if you could go to the the picnic, I would indeed, be the happiest man in Tulsa - no, in Oklahoma!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I really, really, really miss you guys.
Love,

Lyle

Feb 2008

Dear Dariqueen,

Today I discovered a card that I thought I had sent to you, but it was in the pocket behind my seat in my van. Somehow, it did not get mailed! Now I have no idea how it got there, or why it did not get mailed.

Please keep in mind that I wrote it immediately after I had seen you the last time. Do you remember when you saw me the last time? This is some of what was in the card that did not get mailed.

For days after, I cried and cried. I could not keep my eyes dry. I was an emotional basket case, as they say. I spent hours and hours, praying and drying my eyes. It was seeing you cry. It hurt so much. I wondered, why did you cry? I prayed and asked God, why was she crying? I now believe that you cried because you were as hurt as I was. But worse, you also felt guilty. You cried because you were very hurt, and felt like it was your fault.

Then, I wondered: why did you go and tell? I will never, NEVER, never, never believe that you are scared of me: never!!!!!! Maybe you thought you had to go and tell, because your mom had told you that if ever............something happened, you must tell. Anyway, I could not stand to see you cry any longer. It hurt me too much! So how could I know what happened to you that day? Did you cry for days, like I did?

I know that life is not fair. You are caught between a rock and a hard place. You have to obey mom - and you should - even if you think she is wrong. (You do have a right to tell her if you believe she is wrong.) All you can do is pray.

So that is some of what was written on that card, that was lost. DariQueen, I love you just as if you were my daughter. I miss you more than you can imagine. I want you to know for sure that I am not mad at you in any way, I am not holding anything against you, and I do not blame you for anything. I am praying that one day I will be allowed to be your father figure again. Dariqueen, I have not run out on you, and I am not running out on you. I will not run out on you.

Stephen is now attending computer school, and they have many extra computer parts. It is highly possible that we could put together a computer for you, and all I would have to buy is the empty case! You really need a computer at home, with a printer, for school. I will ask your mom if we can do that.

You now have $320 saved up. But I borrowed some from it during Winter Bible Seminar at Rhema, because I did not work that week. I will have it paid back soon. I want you to know, it is your money! I promised it to you, and it is yours. If you wanted to, you could give some to D... to help her with a bill. However, there is one small problem: it is in my banking account, not D..... And this time, there will be a "string attached." What do I mean? I mean, it is your money, but before it can or will be placed into your hands, I will require something from you and/or D.... I want to be back in your life, as your father figure. That is the "string." To me, it is a very small thing. After all, I was your "dad" for over a year. We spent hundreds of hours together.

I look forward to the day that we can do things together once again. I want to take you hiking. I want to take you fishing. I want us to go climbing. I really want to take you shopping! I so much enjoyed taking you shopping! But most of all, I want to take you to church again. Never forget, I love you, just as if you were my own daughter!

Lyle


This is one of the letters that was returned by the post office because D... moved secretly, and before her lease was up.

April 2008




Dear Dariqueen,

I really don't like to have an achy breaky heart! We went to the mall today, and went to Dillards. While Cleo was looking at women's sizes, I was looking at petite small sizes. There was one clothing rack that held very pretty tops, like the one we bought for your mom. They were SO PRETTY, and only $5.59 a piece!!! I heart was breaking, because I wished so much that you were there, and I could buy some for you and/or your mom. Cleo was not done, so I went to the girls place, were I bought you so many things. They have rearranged the area some, but they had some VERY lovely things, and again, my heart was breaking, because I wished I could buy you something.

Then, we had free coupons for "Fish Daddy's. We went there, and I saw where I could order three main things, and two sides; so I ordered grilled salmon, grilled shrimp, and fried shrimp. Once again, I wished so much that you were there, because I know, if you like Red Lobster, you would also like Fish Daddy's.

Oh, Dariqueen, I miss you so much!! I hope your mom lets you go to summer camp. I wish we could go swimming, and hiking, and shopping! You have almost finished another year of school. I have no idea how your grades are, because your mom won't let you call. I cannot see how a phone call would or could be wrong, but I respect her decisions, and can only pray that she will one day forgive me for what ever it is that she is thinking about me. Dariqueen, you and I both know that I never did anything to warrant her being so angry with me. She knows that I did not do anything bad to you at the basketball court. She should know that I did nothing bad any other time either. Dariqueen, every time I was with you - of course you were with me. You know that I never did ANYTHING that made you feel uncomfortable, or bad. Neither did I do anything and then tell you "don't ever tell your mom." Dariqueen, you know these things. I am convinced that you feel safe with me, and know that you are safe with me.

But just in case you have forgotton, let me reassure you - I have not abandoned you, nor run out on you, nor do I have any intention of doing so. Dariqueen, I believe God Himself caused us to get together. It was no coincidence that you moved in next door to me, considering the alternatives. Consider 100 apartment complexes, in this metropolitan area. Then consider that each one had about 20 empty apartments. Then consider that D... could have decided to rent a house, instead of an apartment. That would be at least another 100 choices. Now, try your math: multiply these together: 100 times 20 times 100 = 200,000. So far, the chances she would move next to me: about one chance in 200,000. Next, what was the chances that the apartment next to mine would be empty? If this complex had 200 apartments, that would be about 1 chance in 200. So now you have to multiply these together: one in 200,000, and 1 in 200. That is one chance in 40,000,000!!!! (40 million!!!) Can you see how slim the odds are, that you guys moved in next door to me? However, if we added up all the apartments in tulsa, Supulpa, Sand Springs, Bisby, Jenks, Broken Arrow, etc, the count would be much higher. I was being VERY conservative. Dariqueen, I am convinced that God did it, because He wanted me to be here to help you both.

Dariqueen, I did my very best to do that: to help you and help your mom. I disagree VERY much with your mom's decision, but I will honor it. I will also try to change her mind, because I believe she made a very bad decision that hurt you very much. I simply believe she was wrong. However, she is your mom, so we will abide by her decision.

Dariqueen, in about two months, it will be one year from the day I went to jail. That hurt me a lot, but not any where near as much as your mom's decison to take me out of your life. I do hope she will forgive me, and let you attend Rhema camp this summer.

I love you, Dariqueen, just as if you were my child.

Lyle


May, 2008

Dear Dariqueen,

Somehow, I think I have failed to communicate. I remember "Dad" Hagin, the man that started Rhema, telling of the time that he was taken to the throne room of heaven. He was on the floor, kneeling at Jesus feet, and saying, "I am so unworthy, I am so unworthy!" Jesus told him, "Stand upright, on your feet. You ARE worthy, because I have made you worthy!" So Kenneth stood up. You see, when he met God, he felt very unworthy, and forgot that God said we are forgiven. In fact, SO forgiven, that God has no record or memory that we sinned. So there was no need for Kenneth to say, "I'm so unworthy." But the fact is, he "felt" unworthy. His feelings were simple wrong.

In the same way, you may feel guilty over what happened to me. Dariqueen, first let's address guilty feelings. Yes, you did some things that ended up hurting me. But Dariqueen, I have long since forgiven you, and between you and me, it is just as if nothing happened. In other words, there is NO NEED for you to feel guilty. You are forgiven. Can you understand that? I love you, just as if you were my own daughter. How could I not love you? Dariqueen, true love, the kind that comes down from Father God, never holds grudges, or bitterness, or anger. True love ALWAYS forgives. And I have forgiven you. I am not talking about erotic kind of love: I am talking about a father's love for his daughter. Dariqueen, I love you just as much as I loved my own daughter, when she was your age.

Next, you need to forgive yourself. Dariqueen, you were only 11. God does not expect an 11 year old to be perfect, and neither should any adults. Dariqueen , just let it go, and forgive yourself. Say out loud, "I forgive myself. "I forgive mom. I forgive Lyle."

Dariqueen, you may be afraid of me, due to what you have been told. Please listen closely: I am the same "father figure" that you spent about 16 hours a day with for a year. I am the same guy that took you swimming over and over. I am the same guy that played endless games with you - because you wanted to. I am the same guy that you "dinky-donged" so that I could not sleep. I am the same guy that took you shopping countless times. I am the same guy that took you fishing. I am the same guy that tucked you in at night, and prayed over you. I am the same guy that cleaned out the cat box, so you would not have to. I am the same guy that helped you with your chores, over and over. Dariqueen, I have not changed - I am the same. I love you just as I did then. What has changed then? Of course, your mom's opinion of me has changed. I have no power to change her mind: only God can do that. Dariqueen, she is mistaken about me. I am NOT the evil guy that she thinks I am. I know that you know that. Dariqueen, you were there every time we were together. You KNOW that I did not molest you in any way. THEREFORE, Dariqueen, there is NO REASON for you to fear me, or feel guilty. IF your mom chooses to feel that way, that does NOT mean that you have to feel as she does. I remember how she was scared that Dusty was following her, and that fear got into you. Dariqueen, don't let that happen with me. You know exactly what kind of guy I am, since you were with me for so long. I have not changed. Dariqueen, from this day forward, don't feel guilty concerning me! I am fine. Next, I hope you walk around just like a princess, with your head up, and looking like you own the world! Walk proud that you are alive, and that God loves you! Walk proud that you were born free.

I have the $100 for your kid's camp. I will send it very soon.

I trust D... will let you read this. I hope she let you go shopping with the gift card I sent. If I only knew for sure that you were allowed to use it, I would send more. But I don't know if you even saw it, or knew I sent it. If you remember, the day of our disaster was June the 6th. I told you I would save your allowance every week. I have saved $40 a month ever since. Go ahead and multiply it out. It has been 11 months now. (Added 2009: please see comment below.)

Love,
Your "father figure,"

Lyle